I've been having some sucky wife moments lately.

Quite a few of them.

Okay. ALOT of them actually.

I need to change some things. Mostly some attitudes that I have towards my husband based on different things in our past.

Things I had supposedly LET GO of but obviously not since I've also still been holding them against him and sometimes even throwing them up in his face.

Not so much out loud but definitely in my head.

Last night i was thinking about marriage and the different roles and responsibilities we each have in our marriage.

Adam's *punishment in the whole Fall.Of.Man. incident was to have to LABOR, which is something my husband has struggled with for a looong time. Not so much that he minda working, just that he wanted to do what HE wanted to do, HIS way, which was not so much conducive to... having a stable income.

Eve's punishment was, and I quote "with pain you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

So I sucked up the pain pretty gracefully.

The desire came easily and naturally. At one time in a completely UNHEALTHY way where my desperation for my husband ranked MUCH higher than my desperation for my CREATOR at which point I was taught a lesson about that in such a way that my entire life completely imploded, exploded and pretty much fell apart before my very eyes. I was crushed and shattered and ...broken. Very very broken. (Thankfully I was also picked up and pieced back together and made much much stronger.) But that experience was SO extreme that I will NEVER forget it and make that mistake again.

Tha last part though...

He will RULE OVER YOU.

Well... I just kinda skipped it

Because that is a tough.pill.to.swallow. Atleast for me.

I like the part that says "Understand and support your husband in ways that show your support for Christ" better because that makes it much easier to justify MY opinions. As in "Well, I don't think Christ would support that SO I don't have to SUBMIT.

Because YUCK! I don't like that word and all that it implies. I submit in theory but NOT in my Spirit and my Heart and my Mind where it actually counts. I submit PHYSICALLY but only when I feel like it's something I should submit to or if I think he deserves it. And even then it's more likely than not that I'm doing it with the attitude of "I'm only doing this because I WANT to and YOU should feel SO thankful to have a wife who submits.

YAY! Lucky him!!!

Not a whole lot of submission for a *submissive wife is it??? Kinda defeats the whole purpose.

When I saw this study on an awesomely inspiring friends blog a while back part of me was like "OH! I need this!!!!" and another part (the more dominant one at the time) was like "WHAT.EV.ER."

Now I've come back to it AGAIN! Because I'm slow that way and didn't take the hint the first time.

And I'm just gonna DO IT!

So Pray For Me!

Pray very very hard ;)