• Yesterday was the.day.from.HELL.
• I am POSITIVE that somehow, at some time ... atleast once during the day I absolutely earned the Worst.Mother.EVER! award.
• Not exactly what I was aiming for.
• I'm totally going to blame theBiggestThingOfThemAll. Cause it all started with this conversation the night before....

Me: "Tomorrow I'm going to try to ..."

theBiggestThingofThemAll: "Put aaaalllllll that laundry away????"

Read the full story

O.M.Gosh. I think Martha is starting to rub off on Thing5.

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Unless your kids are asleep and you reinforce the *He Who Wakes The Baby Gets The Baby Back To Sleep* rule like we do.

In that case, just go stand in the doorway and give them a very quiet *Air Hug.

Cause I'm surely not getting any more babies back to sleep tonight.

I am dooonnneee! The SuperMommy cape ...aka Thing4's blankie... is hung up for the day.

PleaseGodLetThemAllStayAsleepNowThatI'veOpenedMyBigMouth!

Guess what's coming up ya'll???

I LOVE their disclaimer.
Note: As we all know, plans can change, but this is what we expect.

Truth in advertising.

I'm totally using that from now on so....
if you know me, you can just expect to hear that from me in the future when we make plans ;)

I'm sorry I suck like that but ily anyway.

I personally think that you should hug your kids everyday but hey... who am I to argue with a National Holiday?

I can see it now...

"Nope. Sorry. I already hugged you this year. You have 258 more days to go before your next hug."

I'm sure that would go over well.

So, here are 6 reasons to Hug Your Kids ... everyday :)


1. Because they cheerfully and gracefully suck up any punishment that you dish out...
Thing1 "But Daaaaaad. I've been mommyblogged! Since when is public humiliation considered an effective form of discipline?" Read the full story

He doesn't know it yet. Right now he's passed out drooling on his pillow like a sailor on leave at the end of a 3day drinking binge.

My firstborn. My most intelligent, most responsible child

was on Facebook at 3am.

How do I know this? Because when I logged in at 7:53 this morning I got this notification...

So my darling Thing1. I'm happy to see that you're so *itk on short text words.

Maybe you can figure this one out.

G4L!

Now, I'm off to try and figure out how to lock this baby up. Or down. Or .. idk cause I've never had to do it before. But just know this. Compared to getting into this computer .. getting into Fort Knox will be like takin candy from a baby.

Actually that's really not so easy.

Have you ever tried it? Babies are very ...grabby.

I'm gonna try again.

Compared to getting into this computer .. getting into Fort Knox will seem like a piece of cake.

Yummy chocolate cake. Read the full story

Okay. So, Thing4 was doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing.

Because that is what he does best.

He was behind me and he thought I was distracted playing with Thing6.

*All knowing Mommy "Elijah! Stop it right now!!! Read the full story

Oh. My. Goodness.

I was on twitter, and I'm scrolling down. scrolling. scrolling. clicking. And all of a sudden a phrase catches my eye over in the umm...sidebar thingie. The one that is snot green and just stays that way no matter how many times I try to change it.

I guess that part s'not so important. But it drives me craaazzyy.

(Get it? s'not. snot. Um. Ya.)

Okay. Moving on.

I look over at the sidebar thingy. And underneath the Search bar has *trending topics. And the
link underneath said...

OMGosh! Did that say what I think it said?

I don't even know how to tell you what it said.

It was that bad.


Speaking of bad. Do you think it's bad that before I can write anything I have to *clean my blog.

Yep. I just scroll up and down looking for things I don't like so I can delete them.

Some ... ahem Brit... might call that ocd.

Others ... me!!!... might disagree.

Okay, so I like things a little ... neat. And if that neatness extends to mayo on a piece of bread then, so be it!

Alright it's sick. I cannot, cannot make a messy sandwich.

I like things to be neat. Not that they ever are. Well, they are, but only for about 2.5 seconds, which, I just happen to know is Thing4's record for completely trashing a *just scrubbed bathroom. Or a clean pair of pajamas.

Tonight he was skateboarding inside the house. Inside! The kids were all laying on the couch watching DCMovie so I went to "the Garage" (read: man!cave) to talk to theBiggestThingofThemAll and within 7 minutes Thing3 was outside to let us know that Thing4 was not only skateboarding through the house, but he had built some kind of ramp involving chairs & jumpropes. Seven minutes.

Maybe he's going to be a world famous engineer or something.

According to him he's going to be a *Fire Fighter.

Don't mistakenly assume ...as I did...that that means he's actually going to put out fires though.

No.

He's just going drive around in the Fire Truck with the siren on all day.

Because that's a *sweet ride.

And he can go fast.

And because the other cars move out of the way for the Fire Truck.

And that's awesome.

Ya think he spends too much time in the man!cave? Read the full story

So, I had a pretty good day today. You?

I've been having a great big AHA moment.

Those are always good ;)

It's like there were all of these things just dumped out on the floor of my mind ... just there.... kinda like a bunch of Legos that have been knocked over and abandoned ... probably by Thing6... for a brighter, shinier new toy.

All of a sudden they've become this intricate thing like... well...like the things you can build with Legos if you can read the instructions. Which I can...not do apparently.

I know. Just follow the directions! It's not rocket science.

Thing 1 can.

Aaaand I'm feelin smarter and smarter all the time.

There should be a list of what to REALLY expect when you're expecting.

#1 Atleast 1 of your children will be smarter than you. And know it.

but you can blame that on ...

#2 Losing brain cells is a part of labor.
One minute they're there and the next...they're just gone.

Fooorrreeevvveeerrr.

In my mind this is said in the voice of the little kid from The Sandlot.

Ever seen that movie? Oh come on you're killin me Smalls!

I would look up a clip for you but I know how much you like to research things for yourself.

Ok I have absolutely nowhere to go after that so...

I DENIED Thing4 the mommykisswhichmakeseverything,everythingbetter today.

Ya. Mean mommy.

He was playing outside and got hurt and came in to get some *feel better so I hugged him and asked him what happened.

He looked at me in all teary eyed seriousness and said "Mommy can you kiss my butt cause I hurt it when I fell off my skateboard."

#3 Always Always Always ask where it hurts before you offer to kiss it.


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So I found something earlier that completely crackered me up. Instantly. Before I even clicked the link. Just because of the name.

Because, I feel u girl. I have been asked that ??? SO many times it's the 1st thing u automatically think to tell someone.

Because you know they will ask. They *almost always do.

My 2nd Most asked question is tied between "You mean you gave birth to all of them???" (The answer is yes by the way. Every single one of them. ) and "Do they all have the same father?'' Again yes.

Sometimes I am tempted to say ... no. they all have different fathers. I'm not really sure what they're expecting to hear.


My favorite (picture this word dripping with sarcasm) definently has to be "You know what causes that right?" or any variation of that sentence. Apparently there are many ways to ask the exact same question. And they are all equally annoying.

Um.... ya. We've managed to figure that out. Thankss... Read the full story

I give up.
Rockyou! is NOT rocking me right now.

I knocked out last night. I am officially sick of being sick. I don't usually get sick. I don't usually get sick to the point where I can't just ignore it & go about my day. My poor kids. They haven't learned a thing since last Monday.

Okay. To be fair to myself, and my awesome teaching abilities, they have actually still learned a few things.

Like how to make it look like you've done things..
when you haven't really done a thing.
How to feed your family every night...
without ever turning on the oven.
How to get a movie at bedtime...
by sweet talkin daddy while mommy's knocked out in a Nyquil~induced~coma.
How mommy will be SO agreeable to anything (including, but not limited to, an ultra healthy breakfast of sausage pizza~banana split pudding~& cheeze its) if you just be quiet while you're doing it.

Not exactly my plan for our curriculum. Or anything close to my "Good Mom" to do list. Read the full story

A mystery is a reality whose existence we can perceive, but whose inner workings we cannot understand. Einstein.

That quote has absolutey nothing to do with this post by the way. I just liked it. So I stuck it up there. For no reason at all.

1. One of my truly wildest dreams....
2. is to be able to *tinkle.....
3. all by myself....
4. without being followed.....
5. interrogated....
6. or otherwise interrupted by loud crashes and bangs and clunks and 'Mommy Thing 2 is trying to climb out the window again" s. Causing me to perform a feat that would challenge even 'Mighty Mom' herself.... .....
7. stop mid~tinkle.
8. After having 5 children.
9. That's pure superhero type stuff there.
10. But I have no clue how to make that happen.
11. Or I would already be enjoying that *tinkle freedom.
12. Goal 1 ~ Find someone who knows.
13. Another of my wildest dreams
14. is to get out of the house
15. into the truck
16. and further than the entraceway
17. before hearing the words
18. "Mommy I can't hold it"
19. after I asked each & every one of them.
20. 3 times.
21. And made them try anyway.
22. Because I knew what was going to happen.
23. So you see,
24. I've covered all of my bases.
25. And again I have no clue how to make that happen.
26. Which brings me to
27. Goal 2 ~ Find someone who knows.
28. My absolute wildest dream ....
29. is to never have to do laundry
30. ever again.
31. Eve really screwed us with that whole apple thing.
32. Really.
33. If it weren't for her
34. There would be NO laundry
35. We would all be nakie
36. & not even knowing it.
37. But since it's not a perfect world
38. I'll just keep my clothes on
39. Thank you very much.
40. It's better that way.
41. Really.
42. For all of us.
43. Unfortunately I can't go back
44. to the garden
45. and warn her.
46. So I have no clue how to fix it.
47. And there we have
48. Goal 3 ~ Find someone who knows.

And there it is. Okay, so I obviously dont have very lofty aspirations. No hall of fame for me.

But it is what it is.

My wildest dreams come true in finding contentment in what is already in my path.

My biggest goals are attained by just making the most of the life I have.

Well, that & maybe learning from someone who knows! Cause I sure as heck don't ;)

But maybe some of these girlies have a clue....

Brit

Diane

Youngmommy

Heather

I'm passing the buck to ya'll. Now you've 'Gotta Get Goals'. Read the full story

Today I have

1. Washed, dried, folded & fluffed (ha ha ha do you really believe that?) about 200 loads of laundry. Really. That's not an exaggeration.
2. Wondered how such relatively CLEAN children can make thier clothes SMELL so BAD.
3. Changed roughly 30 (million) dirty diapers.
4. Wondered WHY they have to be SO much like thier daddy in *that respect. Maybe HE should be the official diaper changer.
5. Listened to Thing 1 describe ~in detail~ his latest story creation. Life in Snotland. Complete with illustrations. And maps. "Daddy lives on booger lane, where do you want to live?" As far away from there as possible.
6. Wondered if there is a way to somehow count this little project as 'school'.
7. Kissed thousands of boo boo's. Real & imagined.
8. Yet, when Thing 4 smacked his head (hard enough for me to HEAR the Whomp) and I asked him if he wanted mommy to kiss it he just said "No it's good ma" and continued on with his little 2 yr old life.,
9. Wondered when my love for my children overcame my complete disgust for all feets.
10. Watched Thing 5 make faces in the mirror.
11. Wondered how long the "playin with the pretty baby in the mirror" game would actually be entertaining.
12. 47 minutes. Yes the child looked at herself in the mirror for forty seven minutes.
13. Aaaand we watched her the entire time.
14. Yes we have no life.
15. We started out with nothing.
16. And we still have a little left.
17. Listened to Thing 1 tell the very vivid (& unfortunately true) story of how he and the biggest Thing of them all caught a dead cat while fishing the day before.
18. Apparently it was SO cool.
19. But only because it was already dead.
20. Wondered if the entourage of pets that have lived & died during thier time with our children, has emotionally scarred & completely desensitized my child.
21. Was actually thankful to find out that he cried when they caught it.
22. Felt bad for being happy about a crying child. Still a little happy to know we can skip the years of therapy.
23. Would have skipped the therapy anyway. We have daily therapy sessions on our knees.
24. Wiped snotty noses 400 times.
25. Once with my shirt.
26. Wondered if the snotland story was based on actual facts.
27. Decided to change my layout AGAIN.
28. Wondered if I really *do have multiple personalities.
29. Started to write a post about the layout changes.
30. Wondered why I was trying to rationalize blog background decisions to an inanimate object.
31. Skipped the post and ate some chocolate instead.

*** Edited ~ Thing 1 has brought it to my attention, that the reference to booger lane was incorrect. It is actually booger pit road. And his dad not only resides there, he is the king of snotville ... er snotland. Thing 1 has very *graciously forgiven me for this error. According to him I am not expected to really understand such complex ideas. Thank God for that. I was having quite a hard time wrapping my tiny little brain around such a big thought. ROFL

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So, I've been contemplating this whole easter thing and am curious how you wiew this holyday. or holiday, if it's not holy to you. What exactly does this day mean to you?

I've always just taught my kids that the easter bunny ~along with santa & the tooth fairy~ is kinda like Barney. Pretend. Something fun and nonsensical (I know. But you KNOW how I feel about Encarta. And I really *wasn't sure if it was a word) It's something we do to humor grandma & grandpa. But they know the TRUTH. ANd they have no problem telling it to anyone. Whether you ask or not. SOmetimes this is not such a good thing. Like when it makes thier friends cry. And then causes angry parents to call me at night. That's not so fun.

Parent: How could you do that to your child?
Me:How could I do what? *Not lie to them?

I don't care if you do the 'santa/easter bunny thing. I don't tell my kids you're evil incarnate because of it. But WHY would you call and ask me that question? I don't call you and ask why you tell your children a big bunny comes in the middle of the night laying eggs and leaving easter baskets. I'm sorry my child made yours cry and ask if you were lying. We had a talk about it. Really. But he was smarter than me & I had no clue how to come back from his reply.

Me: You know... I know what we believe, but everyone else doesn't believe that. And you made your friends cry. So maybe we shouldn't say anything to them about it. Thier parents want to tell them something else. And we should respect that.

Thing 1: I thought the bible tells us to tell the truth about Jesus.

Me: It does.

Thing 1: Then why do you want me to lie to my friends? You always tell me not to lie.

Me, *desperately trying to reason with this boy so I don't have to be screamed at by any more parents: I don't want you to lie. I just don't want you to say anything about it.

Thing 6: That's still NOT telling the truth about Jesus.

There was nothing else I could say. I was out wisdom'ed by a (then) 7 yr old.

So you see, it's not my fault. He knows how to read. And he has good taste in books. And great life application skills. WOW homeschooling really does pay off! Who'dda thunk it? (I can't help it. There is just something about that word. I know. It's like a sickness or something.)

All of that to say Have a happy 'He's alive' day. Or happy EasterBunny day. Or whatever you are celebrating tomorrow:)


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I think I've become 'that mom'. No, not that mom, the other one. You know, the mom whose mind has completely evaporated to the point that she can't remember her child's name until she gets to it as she goes down the list. I've caught myself doing that SO many times lately.

One of my~little~blessings in disguise, will do something they aren't supposed to do (did I mention that they're not perfect either?) and I will start to call 'em on it, and then I caaaalllll the wrong name. That's when the list starts. And by the time I get it right, I am either (a.) feeling SO guilty (& more stupid than I care to admit) for not knowing my own child's name that I can't bring myself to continue or (b.) walking out of the room looking stern but really trying not to totally lose it because they cannot contain the amusement that they get from watching mommy act insane. It's a very effective discipline method, if you haven't guessed. 

I think I've come up with a solution....

....I am going to give them all the same name. That way, I can never get it wrong. And more importantly, I will look sane.

I know how important it is for children to have thier own individual identities. So, I'll give them different middle names. 

On second thought, maybe I will call them out by name. Thing 1 and Thing 2, Thing 3 and Thing 4, Thing 5 and 
Thing 6... :
D Read the full story

Do you remember Romper Room? Sometimes it seems as if I'm in an episode of, like, Romper Room Gone Wild or something. Do you ever feel like that? Maybe it's just me.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we had that Average~2.5 kids~2 income~house in the suburbs with a picket fence and a dog that doesn't... relieve itself on the hardwood floors~American Dream kind of life.

Would I have *perfect hair? And manicured nails? Oooohhhh, I would definently pay someone ELSE to spray all of that SHOUT on the stains in the laundry. (SHOUT really works ya know. Just in case you were wondering. That is why you come here.. isn't it? For all of the great laundry tips:)

Sometimes, I use an entire bottle of SHOUT on 1 load of laundry. Fascinating right? I know, that's why I'm telling you. You don't have to thank me.

We don't, by the way. Have that life that is. Not even a little bit on a good day. Double the kids. Split the income in half. The dog, well... we gave up on pets when a~certain~little~girl~who~was~3 (but is no longer) decided to try and help her cute little pet chickie escape from the cage. According to her, little chickie stuck his head out of the bars and asked her to help him out. By his head unfortunately. It wasn't pretty. Yes, we were all scarred, but we try not to think about it. Don't worry. After 3 yrs of therapy we can now eat chicken again.

My hair... is not quite perfect. Okay it's nowhere near perfect, but if it makes you feel better to think that it might be close, then go right ahead! It surely does make me feel better:) But I'll be honest and admit that my most used hair accessories include a scrunchee (the fact that if a scrunchee isn't available a pencil can also be used is just more proof that I keep up with all of the latest fashions from Vogue. ) OH and there's this AWESOME hair product I use. If you've never tried it then you're definently missing out. It's called D.R.O.O.L. Made from pure baby slobber. Great stuff. Really.

But then I remember that in order to have that life I would have to give up 2.5 of my children. How could I make my child go through life with only half of thier body? And which half would I choose? The right, the left. The top, the bottom.

The truth is, as CRAAAZZYYYY as they make me sometimes, I couldn't really give any of them up. Even for that oh~so~wanted laundry person.

Can ya blame me?? Read the full story

* Disclaimer ~ the following post may contain "parent only" language & content. If you think the phrase "You will not believe what was in his poop" might offend you or your stomach, ya might want to just skip down to the next post :)

1 of our 5 children ~ who I will not name ~ due to the fact that they can read~and sometimes look over my shoulder when I am on the pc~and might see this post and get VERY mad at me~has a blanket (we aren't mean, they all have blankets). But this is a little blanket. It's always been little. But it WAS bigger when we first bought it. We have noticed signifigant shrinkage in the blanket over time. *Unnamed child, has slowly been eating this blanket for YEARS. Until recently, I didn't realize that the blanket was actually being eaten. I just thought the child was chewing on the strings and pulling them out. And I am always saying "don't put that in your mouth, that's gross." Apparently, it's WAYYYY grosser than I thought.

I came home from my favorite place to go and my husband told me that *unnamed child had a stomach ache after I left, but was fine now. Then proceeded to crack up and give me the details. You will not believe what was in his poop! A string. Yes you read right. A string. Apparently a LOOOONG string. I said a prayer of Thanks. And sang the Hallelujah chorus. I'm so glad I was gone for that. I don't think we'll be serving blanket for dinner anymore. Is it just my children who are this wierd? Do your kids have strange blanket~eating fetishes? Should I feed them more maybe? Read the full story

Ok so *Elijah Jaye Moose* (Thing4/ 2yob) is going through this "I know how to take my diaper off and will do it whenever I want now" phase. I CANNOT keep up with the flinging of the diapers. He has even learned how to take his pants off to get to the unwanted diaper.

We are working on potty training, but I'm not so sure that it's a sign of potty training readiness. I think he likes to take it off simply because he can! AND he innately knows exactly what to do to make mommy INSANE. Most of the time it is not even wet, although once he left a *surprise* in it (YUCK YUCK and more YUCK)

This child ~ there is absolutely NO ONE that i could love more, or who possibly make me any CRAZIER than he can. But I just can't resist his cute little face!

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